What If Things Aren’t Working Out? Look at Your Sending and Receiving of Interest Cues

  Contributed by Thomas B. Holman Things seldom work out as smoothly as we wrote about them in the last few articles. For example, someone you are attracted to ignores you. Maybe you have trouble even getting first dates. Or you have lots of first dates but few if any second or more dates with the same person. Perhaps you have problems going from “dates” to “in a relationship” or even if you get into boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, they don’t last. Part of this is just the normal ...
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Step 12: Service – Erik’s Story on Drug Addiction Recovery

"I don't know how else to explain it.  I guess I jumped.  I fell from the third story.  Over a half-million dollars in medical bills." "As I went to Twelve Step meetings more consistently, I found that my life just started to fall into place. Now that I know how important it is to share with others what I know, I go every week, to let them know they are not alone.  There was a point that I felt that I was totally alone.  The Twelve Steps help me focus on the fact that not only am I an add...
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Thoughts on Suicide Prevention

'You know, Seth, I almost lost my little brother.  I don't think I'm gonna go anywhere for a while. I'm just gonna sit here with you for a bit.' "For the first time I recognized that there was a world outside of myself. There were people that cared about me and loved me and wanted me to succeed and live. The mere fact that they reached out to me in love, that is what did it. What my brother did is what changed my life." So many people need that love, that attention, that comfort.  This...
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Developing Your Pool of Eligibles – Absence Does NOT Make the Heart Grow Fonder

Contributed by Thomas B. Holman and Abby Viveiros Propinqu-what? What do you think research shows is the best predictor of whom you will marry? You’ll never guess. It is propinquity. Propinquity is sociologists’ fancy way of saying “proximity.” The best predictor of whom we marry is how close they are to us geographically. The more propinquitous we are to people, the more likely we are to marry one of them. This explains why actors marry their costars and parents want you to live arou...
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How Does the Good, Bad, and Ugly from My Family Affect Me—and What Do I Do about It?

By Dr. Thomas B. Holman and Abby Viveiros Transitional Characters. This change of heart we discussed in the previous articles leads to another phenomenon that is important for you to understand as you come to terms with dysfunctional aspects of your family past. It is called becoming a transitional character. A well-known marriage and family therapist, Dr. Carlfred B. Broderick, studied this process of putting off bad things from your past and coined the term “transitional characters.” ...
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My Family Background and My Fitness for Marriage – Part 1

Preserving the Good from My Family How Does the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly from our Families Affect Me—and What Do I Do about It?           By Dr. Thomas B. Holman and Abby Viveiros We have sayings about that, and you have probably heard them: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” “Chip off the old block,” and “Like father, like son.” In a lot of cases, we hope these sayings are true—we admire our parents and hope we can live up to their examples as individuals, as a couple, and as...
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