Solving Your “Solvable Problems”

According to John Gottman, marital conflicts fall into just two categories: solvable and perpetual. Perpetual conflicts show up over and over. They probably will never disappear because they come from fundamental differences in personality: She wants to have a baby but he doesn't want children; he hates clutter but she's a pack-rat; she wants a religious home but he's an atheist. Every marriage has conflicts like these. As one psychologist said, when you choose a life partner "you will in...
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Moving from Gridlock to Dialogue

Do you feel hopelessly stuck over a problem you and your spouse just can't solve? If so, learning to cope with the conflict may seem impossible, and you might fear your relationship is doomed. But don't despair. Many couples learn to deal with their gridlocked problems and build happy, successful relationships. A key to dealing with a gridlocked problem is to remember you don't have to solve the problem. It might never go away completely. Your goal, according to John Gottman, is to move "...
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Handling Conflict in Marriage

Disagreements and arguments crop up in even the best marriages. It's how conflict is handled that is an important key to marital success. Current research confirms that poorly handled conflict between married couples can negatively influence mental, physical, and family health. Feelings of anger, bitterness, and unhappiness - sometimes leading to separation and divorce - often result. But couples need not settle for these experiences. Partners can realize, as stated in The Family: A Pr...
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Money Harmony for Newlywed Couples and Engaged Couples

Young married life should be a joyful time, but conflict over money often interferes. For newlyweds under the age of 30, debt brought into the marriage is the number one cause of conflict. To avoid the unhappiness and divorce this conflict can cause, newly married and engaged couples should take steps to minimize money conflict and maximize money harmony in their relationships. Crushing Financial Burdens -- A Pervasive Problem  American couples live in a financially stressful environme...
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Managing Family Finances

Bob came running into the house and called out, "Honey! Look at the new DVD player I bought!" Sarah entered the living room with a frown. As Bob anxiously opened the DVD player and described all its features, Sarah became more and more aggravated. "We don't have money to be buying DVD players." "Of course we do, we're getting our tax refund. Plus it was on sale. I've wanted one of these for so long. When I saw it I just couldn't wait." "We were supposed to save our tax refund toward...
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Immunized Against Infidelity: “Affair-proofing” Your Marriage

The Family: A Proclamation to the World emphasizes the sacredness of marriage and declares that men and women should "honor marital vows with complete fidelity." The importance of fidelity and God's disapproval of adultery have been emphasized throughout the Judeo-Christian scriptural tradition. For years, researchers and family therapists have echoed the religious teaching that fidelity matters. In the past decade alone, therapists have flooded the shelves with studies and books on infidelit...
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