When I was six years old my babysitter abused me for several months. I didn’t know why it happening to me. I have asked myself that for a long time now. “Why me?” Why when I hadn’t hurt anyone. I didn’t even know what was happening. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t know how to handle it.
I realized what had happened wasn’t normal. It did not happen to everyone. I asked them and they had no idea what was going on, it was only happening to me. It made me weird, or at least different. I felt scared other kids at school would judge me because it had never happened to them. So I stopped talking to them. I still remember hiding inside a big black coat, so that no one could talk to me. If they did, it was easy to ignore them.
I finally had to admit that there were other people in the world. I had to leave my coat and actually be with people. I also had to admit that my focus was always on me and not anyone else. So finally I asked God. I asked God a lot, I had to know the answer to why this abuse had happened to me. Finally I did get an answer, and it wasn’t what I expected. I was expecting some powerful emotional experience. Instead I began to realize that other people were receiving help, I began to see that people do care. I got my answer not by an event but by a change in my heart. I found out through this experience to me that bad things happen in the world. Sadly they can happen to anyone.
I also found out what it is like to live in a world without God. I still suffer because of the problems caused by this babysitter. But now, God is providing me with strength and comfort to cope. Sometimes the memories and feelings from the past attack still bother me; I feel like I can’t escape. When that happens I turn to God, I pray or I read scriptures, or I look at the small miracles that happen every day. Then I feel His love and He gives me strength so that I can carry these burdens.
I am so grateful for a God who is willing to hold me up during hard times. He held me and made me strong for years when I struggled to understand what had happened. He was there for me despite my lack of faith. He did not want me to be alone. He wants to be with me. He was with me. I also know that it was His love that helped me to move forward with my life. Things won’t get easier, but God will make me stronger. I now know that I plus God can overcome anything.