By Ekadasi N.
“Oh God, why me?” How often do you either ask this question or hear others asking it? I do not usually find myself asking it, but I hear others around me on a fairly regular basis, usually after some setback or hardship. I must admit, however, that I asked it recently. I looked up into the sky with gratitude filling my heart from how blessed my life had become and asked my Heavenly Father, “Oh Lord, why me?” No sooner had the words left my lips than I heard a still small voice, “Because, I love you!”
My past is less than perfect. I am still not anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, having found and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and having a desire to forsake my old sinful ways, I have noticed I am not only more than content with life but have found true happiness and strength through our Savior’s teachings and personal sacrifice.
I was born with developmental and learning disabilities. I used to suffer from anxiety and depression and took prescription medication for over a decade. I didn’t find this to be enough so I supplemented my medications with recreational drugs. The drugs my doctor prescribed had super sensitized my nervous system over an extended period, although I am sure my recreational habits hadn’t helped. I developed a neurological movement disorder. I recognized I had to stop putting into my body all drugs, prescribed or otherwise; I needed to go cold turkey. Tapering down was not an option because the only way to recovery was to completely cease my current regimen or never recover.
The following year consisted of withdrawals and recovery, none of which I would wish any being to have to endure. It can only be explained as continuous panic and the most severe uncontrollable shaking that only got worse if I was at all relaxed. Sleeping was very difficult. Often, the mere action of lying down for minutes would cause me to shake so badly I’d be even more exhausted. To worsen matters, getting up while shaking was usually a chore since I had lost most control. I won’t even get into the efforts required to feed myself.
The good news is it is now twelve months later and I’m pretty much recovered. Every single day during that period however I asked myself the same question, “How much stronger will I be if I can endure and survive this?” To answer my question, I turned to my Savior and learned of Him. I came to know of His atoning sacrifice and with that I found forgiveness and understanding. Today I am thankful to the Lord for my trials. His challenges are the ones I look forward to the most for that is when I make the most progress. In the past I’ve had many people tell me how much God loves and Jesus saves. I found it hard to believe, but I find myself to be a great example of this now. I overcame anxiety, depression and addiction.
I’m not special or better than anybody else, yet I find myself very blessed. I came to Christ and He has saved my life and given me renewed strength beyond my comprehension. I can now look up into the sky with gratitude filling my heart and realize how blessed my life has become. And so I asked my Heavenly Father, “Oh Lord, why me?” and He responded “Because, I love you!”