At sixteen I wanted to know who I was and what I wanted to become. Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn and fell into a terrible trap. I was extremely attracted to girls and began looking through magazines, searching Internet sites, and looking at girls disrespectfully in various ways. Eventually, I caught myself looking at pornographic images. I had crossed the line and needed to stop. As time went on, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to with my problem. Everyone knew me as a respectful, bright young man and there was no way I would allow anyone to think differently. So I decided to keep this to myself, that I would never do it again. Worst Decision Ever!
I got more involved in sports, clubs, and school projects that would prevent me from looking at pornography. It was going great and I felt like a champ. Then one Friday morning, feeling high and mighty, I went back to being myself … and relaxed. School was going great, friends joined me during lunch and teachers loved me. Life couldn’t get better! At the end of the day, I found myself in a room filled with friends and a very beautiful girl. She had long blond hair and was the girl of my dreams. Class started and I took every chance to stare at her and dreamed about our first date (when I got the guts to ask her). Unfortunately, after daydreaming a while, my past thoughts returned and I found myself once again caught in that terrible trap. I had told myself there was no way I would allow myself to be caught in the web again; however, my armor failed me and I felt unclean and looked down upon by God. This web tightened and entrapped me until its grasp seemed unbreakable! I understood for myself that pornography is a terrible addiction and I needed help.
I pondered all weekend. “Should I tell my friends? No, they’ll just shoot me down. My parents? No, they’ll give me a year of chores. Why is this so difficult!” In the end, the only thing I could think of was to pray and ask God’s forgiveness and direction. I spent Monday discouraged and disappointed. I had not received any direction from God. I continued to fight immoral thoughts and didn’t feel truly forgiven. That day was just horrible. I arrived home later in the afternoon and went to my room to pray. I prayed with all my heart and asked my Heavenly Father to guide me to whom, when, and where I could confess my problem. I needed to talk to someone who could help me.
That evening my family (all thirteen of us) came together for family night. We sang a hymn, knelt in prayer, and read a favorite scripture, Matthew 19:26, “…with God, all things are possible.” Next, dad said he felt impressed to prepare a special thought, and he wanted us all to listen with our ears and hearts. He explained that we all make mistakes! He provided a few examples, including addiction to pornography. He explained the world is full of afflictions, and we need to be aware of them. He then told us he loves every one of us. As a father, he only wants what is best for us. If anything is holding us back from being happy, dad wanted to be there to help.
We read in the New Testament about Jesus Christ being perfect and the only one capable of atoning for our sins. Because of Christ, we can become clean and pure through faith and repentance. I knew then that I could be forgiven of my sins and really change with the help of Jesus Christ. I finally opened up to dad later that night. It felt good to talk with him and to feel his love and devotion toward me and God. In a short time, I made changes in my life. I continued to pray in faith and received a sure knowledge that I had been forgiven. I felt God’s love and I felt clean again!
I know that through our Savior everyone can be cleansed from all sins, just as my father taught me. All Jesus requires is obedience to the commandments of God. In return, we are blessed a hundred fold!
If you or a loved one is involved in a sexual addiction, seek help from qualified individuals. You will need the support of those who love you in your journey to healing. We invite you to connect with us to find more information about where you can get local support!