By Bree P
It was a day when my world came to a stop. It was my senior year of high school, and I was living with my mom at the time. My dad and his family lived in another state, and I would occasionally visit them. I had just spent my junior year of high school with them. Everything was going great. I had good grades and fantastic friends I would hang out with on the weekends. I went to church, and was enjoying the spirit that I felt there. I read my scriptures and I prayed frequently.
And then one day in the beginning of May, I got a phone call from my step-mom, who lived with my dad. I thought that it was another phone call to see how I was doing and to make sure I was okay. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The call started off with the usual small talk. But when she said that she wasn’t quite sure how to tell me something, I knew that something was wrong. She got really quiet, and I could hear her crying. I started to worry and asked her what was wrong and she only cried harder. She was finally able to tell me that my grandma, my sweet grandma, had been diagnosed with cancer, and didn’t have much longer to live.
My world stopped. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered. I could no longer hear my step-mom on the phone. Time had stopped for a few brief moments as I absorbed the horrible news. And then it all came rushing back. I could not believe what I had just been told. I asked over and over, “Are you sure? Are the doctors sure? There must be a mistake, my grandma cannot have cancer. Not my grandma.” All I could think was “No, not my grandma. Not mine.” My step-mom then proceeded to tell me how she had been very sick for the past year, and my aunt had finally taken her to the doctor where they made the diagnosis. I still could not believe it.
After the phone call was over I sat on my bed crying and wondering what had caused this to happen. Why was God taking her now? She emulated Christ in everything she did. She served everyone and never thought of herself. She loved everyone despite their faults. She was my hero. I could not understand why this was happening to her.
There have been times in my life when I have relied heavily on my Savior. I knew that if I wanted answers, the best place to get them was to go to the source. So I knelt down and began to pray. It was the most sincere prayer I have ever prayed. I told God that I was angry and frustrated and very sad, and that I knew that He was doing this for a reason and I wanted to know what that was. I told Him how unfair it was, and I begged and pleaded for understanding. I felt comforted, but that was not the answer that I was looking for.
So I continued to pray over the next couple of weeks. I knew that if I kept asking that God would answer my prayers, so I kept asking. However, I never seem to receive an answer. Every time I would pray I would get a comforting feeling, a feeling of peace. I knew that there was life after death, but that didn’t make me feel any better.
Over time, I began to realize that comfort was God’s answer. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I was not going to get a definitive answer. But I knew that God loved me, and He loved my grandma, so I eventually came to accept and trust that He knows what He is doing.
Soon my prayers changed. I began to pray that she would not be in pain as her time drew near. I put all my trust in the Lord. The medicine was not working, and everyday became more and more difficult. But in the end she was not in pain. When that happened I knew that I could rely on God in my times of need. I knew He had heard my prayers and silent pleas and had answered them, and I was so grateful. My trust in Heavenly Father grew, as did my faith. I know that I will be able to see my grandma again. I know that she is in a better place, and is no longer suffering. I can feel her love for me and I know that she watches over me.