Real Life Answers

For any new readers, or for those of you whose memories are as short as mine, a couple weeks ago I wrote a post introducing a discussion on why bad things happen to good people. In that post I divided the causes of our woes into three exhaustive categories. The first category is our own actions.

This may be dissatisfying to some people for a few reasons. First, if the “bad things” are due to our own actions, doesn’t that imply that we’re not necessarily “good” people? Second, when bad things happen to us, it seems like, even more than usual, we do everything we can to find a way to blame someone other than ourselves. However, even though this answer may be dissatisfying, this category still makes up a rather large piece of this puzzle, so I think it is still important to address.

The Book of Mormon is full of discussions about choices and our ability to choose for ourselves (see here, here, here, and here). Contrary to popular belief, Mormon theology is probably more centered around our ability and right to make choices for ourselves than it is around any other topic, aside from Christ’s sacrifice for us (which, non-coincidentally, is the event that gives us the ability to choose). This topic is so important to us, we coined a term for it: moral agency. The name is key to understanding this category of causes of our woes.

Essentially, we believe we need the ability to choose in order to fulfill our purpose in this life, which is to learn and become as much like God as we possibly can. How do we do this? By making both good and bad choices, then learning from them so that each time we’re presented with a choice we’re more likely to pick the good one. Who determines which choices are good and which are bad? Well, God does, but we can too. When Adam and Eve ate that fruit, they were given the knowledge they needed in order to know good from evil. We have all inherited that knowledge. Some refer to it as conscience, others refer to it as guilt. I think every culture has a word that describes the feeling we get in our gut that tells us which choice is good and which is bad.

Now, what does this have to do with bad things happening to good people? Well, sometimes good people make mistakes. Sometimes we make the wrong choices, and our choices have consequences. But why can’t God just make those consequences go away? Well, because if he did that, how would we ever learn? And if we couldn’t ever learn from our choices, then what would be the point of this life? It would be a total waste, like taking a class at school and just surfing the internet or listening to podcasts the whole time.

So, even though God probably hates watching us suffer through really hard times, He knows it is best for us to do so, because without those consequences for our actions we’d keep making the wrong choices and never reach our divine potential. But that doesn’t mean He leaves us comfortless. He is always available to us through prayer, and, more importantly, He sent His son to suffer all our pains and sorrows. Most of Christianity focuses only on Christ’s death on the cross as his sacrifice for us, but in the Mormon church we also focus on his suffering before he gave his life, where he “suffered all of our pains, afflictions, and temptations” so he could understand us and help us when the going gets tough. So even when the bad things in your life are due to your own actions, remember that he felt your pain and is there when you need him.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Previously, I wrote on adversities and posed this question, “Why hasn’t He parted the Sea for me?” In attempts to answer this question, I turned to passages of scripture in which prophets have pleaded to the Lord for intervention. I found that there are many instances in which the Lord does not resolve problems like He did with Moses when He parted the Sea. For example, the Prophet Joseph Smith while incarcerated in Liberty Jail in 1839 for advocating religious freedom pleaded to the Lord, “ O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” (D&C 121:1). Likewise, King David in the book of Psalms, was hated by Saul, his best friend’s father and the king he had sworn to honor, asked “How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord?” (Psalm 13:1). And most soberly, Christ in his moment of intense pain, felt the Lord’s absence and cried, “My God, my God why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). If these Prophets– even His own son, did not feel the Lord’s  hand in their moments of adversity, then I should feel better about not feeling His, right?

But why would the Lord not want to help us? Because of tough love! Just like a mother/father stands back to watch her/his child figure out a puzzle or get them to walk, likewise, Heavenly Father stands back to watch us go through our earthly puzzles. Mormon belief is that life is a test to prove ourselves, to stretch and grow and to show what we’re made of. When the Lord chooses to not part our personal seas, he trusts that we can accomplish the tasks at hand and that we can figure out how to walk through our adversities.

While in Liberty Jail, the Lord did respond to Joseph Smith’s pleas and re-affirmed “that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” And further adds, “The Son of Man (meaning Christ) hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” (D&C 122:7-8) Jesus Christ while in the Garden of Gethsemane, in intense anguish, prayed three times to Heavenly Father that he not drink the bitter cup—meaning he not go through the pains of the atonement (Matthew 26, Mark 14, Luke 22). However, Heavenly Father did not remove his bitter cup. Figuratively, Jesus Christ had to drink it. He bled form every pore and was made to stand  trial, beaten, spat upon, and scorned. He was crucified. There, He felt the pains, sins, and weakness of the world. Why did He have to do this? Because He was the only one, a sinless man, who could take away our blemishes.  He sacrificed himself so that mankind can one day be spotless before God, and have a fair chance towards eternal life and immortality  (Moses 1:39).

When the Lord asked Joseph Smith if he was greater than Christ, in my previous example, He also meant that no matter how hard our trials are, were not at a point where we’ve refined ourselves enough to be like Christ-the sinless man who made the ultimate sacrifice. The hope is that through our trials, we acquire Christ-like attributes. We gain more compassion for humanity, more love for others, more charity, and more faith in our Heavenly Father.

Here’s a personal application: If you haven’t figure out by my husband’s (Logan) posts and descriptions of India, we’re currently (and again) separated due to a work assignment he has in India. After 2-3 weeks from our wedding, just back from our honeymoon, Logan and I tearfully said our goodbyes at the airport–Coincidentally, Logan Airport–not knowing exactly when we would see each other again. Those months were extremely difficult for me. I tried to remain happy, but despair sometimes took over. Every night, I got on my knees pleading to the Lord for help—soften the bureaucrats’ heart so that I can get a visa to India! It never happened. However, I realized that I had the wrong perspective. I, at least, could talk to my husband, see him on Skype. He wasn’t in a war zone. He hadn’t passed away. In my moment of trial, I could relate more to the other women whose husbands were at war, whose husbands had left them widows, whose husbands had just left. Now, my heart feels more compassion and charity for these women. Now, I make it a point to go out of my way to reach out to them. I try to be more Christ-like.

And for the good news: I get to see Logan again today!

These past couple weeks, I’ve been thinking along the same line as Tim and Brigham about adversities in our lives. Although answering the question to why bad things happen to good people requires thorough evaluation ( and I’ll  let Tim provide further enlightenment on that), I am equally puzzled by this question I asked myself couple days ago: Why hasn’t He parted the Sea for me?

The Lord delivered the people of Israel out of Egypt while they were enslaved, beaten down and oppressed. He sent pestilence, plagues against the Egyptians who wouldn’t free their Israeli slaves. He provided miracles, food to his people while they were fleeing. And when they were inches away from being captive again, the red sea was parted. They were able to walk across dry land towards safety, and their freedom.

The majority of us are familiar with this story.  However, in our moments of trial, when we are in anguish, and our trials seem to go unresolved for years and we’re left paralyzed, broken; we’re not too familiar with the story of the Lord parting the Sea in our own lives, and we question, “Why hasn’t He parted the Sea for me?”

I don’t think I am going to fully answer this question in this post right now. However, I was really touched by something Clayton Christensen said to Forbes Magazines about the experience he learned while surviving a heart attack, cancer, and stroke.  “I learned that focusing on my own problems does not bring happiness. God didn’t say, “Okay. For those with problems it’s okay to focus on yourself. And for those who don’t have problems, I want you to focus on helping others.” Even in dire times God does not exempt me from his commandment to focus my life on others, because it transforms hardship to joy.”

These words were aspiring to me as I am going through my own set of personal trials that have persevered for nearly decades now. I don’t know why the Lord hasn’t resolved my burdens yet. I have continually worked on being the person he would want me to be, and don’t understand the oversight. However, for now,  I can focus on how I choose to react, help others, and hope that he will eventually provide a way.

So in our moments of trial, let us step outsides of ourselves and place more emphasis on parting the Sea for others. The Lord might not intervene promptly, but we can transform our hardship into joyful moments when we become conduits of help…and when we jam to this!